It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't turn off my feet"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize