I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize