i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm too high and old for this...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
