i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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