My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
