I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize