He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every concussion has its silver lining
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
