I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
and you fell through a lawn chair
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
