dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
