meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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