sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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