i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need help removing her.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
