Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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