I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
