we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
