I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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