I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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