I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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