So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
