I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
