im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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