I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
