Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
