The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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