we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
