Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
