I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
