Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
