he puts the penis in happiness.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I had to cum in my sink.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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