just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize