I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
