This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
