Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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