ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
