the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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