I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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