Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
