I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize