First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
