I'm really into asian looking animals
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
