Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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