Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize