My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
