I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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