if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
