This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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