As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
