So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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