Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
