i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
