I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
