He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
