i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
