Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
