You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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