You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
