i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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