just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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