I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
