Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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