I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
