My cat gives me a boner
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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