New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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