I want to stick my p in your. b.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
