There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Four minutes until I can fart!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
