Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
