I hate your face
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
pray to the hookup gods
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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