How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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