If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
