I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
