Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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