wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
