I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sext me about skeletons
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
