my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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