i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
