I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need to align my fucking chakras
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
