and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
