I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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