Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize