I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
