I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
