You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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