So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
