fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
