Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
