after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
