I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
