Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
