they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
