She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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